My oldest son turned 29 this week. And I have to say...I'm not that old! LOLOL! So tonight, I will write about him.
He is by far, the absolute love of my life. We tell ourselves that we love our children equally. But I don't think we really look into our hearts at all when we say that...we are just being fair to the kids. How can I not love this child more? He is my first born. I had a miscarriage before him and one after him...so he was a blessing to me. I loved him with my whole heart from the moment I knew he was on the way. And he was such a joy to have as my son.
Like my youngest son, he did not have an easy childhood. He had severe asthma. In 1988, he was in National Jewish Hospital, in intensive care for 21 days. The doctors told me that he would be dead within 2 years. I spent hours and hours researching asthma, the causes and the solutions. I took him out of the hospital against medical advice. The doctors threatened to turn me into social services and to have him taken away from me.
I ran away.
I took him out to San Diego and told my family that when the doctors called....tell them they don't know where I am. And they did just that.
I went "undercover". I took him to the beach every night and told him that the salt in the air would heal his lungs. I started a strict diet and pumped him full of vitamins and minerals (the ones I had researched might help him heal). I interviewed physicians without him, and finally found one who was willing to work with me. I went across the border to Mexico to get his meds.
Obviously it worked. He turned 29 this week. He did not die in 2 years. It has now been 19 years since that horrible, horrible year. Only a mom can imagine what it would be like to have the doctors give your child a death sentence like that. Only a mom can understand why I fled with him. But I did what I had to do with what I knew back then. And I thank Jehovah every day for His guidance in our lives.
So in the past several years, this son of mine has broken my heart, caused me to shed more tears than I want to think about, taken numerous wrong turns, and made hundreds of bad choices in his life. But I pray that he has now come full circle. He calls me 2 to 3 times a week to tell me that he loves me, to tell me how sorry he is for the pain he has caused me, to tell me that he understands now why I did the things I did....and to thank me that he is alive.
I often wonder if he will ever know how much I love him. I wonder if he will ever know the sacrifices I made to keep him alive. I wonder how different our lives might be today had those doctors not given him a death sentence. But for everything that I "wonder" about....I know that this young man has my heart from now until eternity.
Jason, I love you!