The continuum (The Last One, Does Art Heal?)

uAfter 5 months, I am finishing my healing journal.  And what a journey it has been since I started it.  I was wondering why I felt so compelled to write the argument "does art heal?"  Little did I know the road we were to take with Kerry's surgery and recovery.  God knew that I needed to write that in order to prepare myself for the days to come.  And now that they are behind us, I can finish it up.

It really is breathtaking!

I've added links over on the right side of my blog so you can easily go back and see what each topic was about.

Remember to click to enlarge

Rose Kennedy said, "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

Those tags look a bit different when added to a page!

Brilliant words from a woman who probably endured as much loss as any mother ever did. Personally, I have never thought that time heals all wounds. But with time, the memory of the event does fade....as new events happen that cover it up.

I'm still amazed at how the pages just fell together!

God has been so gracious to me in my life - to cover my wounds with His love. His Son has lifted me up more than once from the darkest corners. There has always been light for me to grab hold of.

But in these past 5 months, I experienced every single one of the steps I wrote about last November.  I even lost sight of that "light" for a few hours when we thought Kerry might not pull through.  But at that same moment, I knew that no matter what happened, it would be ok.  And perhaps that has been my mantra throughout my entire life.  Because I have known the Messiah, I have always known that no matter what happens - it will be ok.

This story is tucked away - hidden for a time if I need it again

The beauty of art is that it not only has a healing component to it, it awakens the parts of the right side of the brain that lie dormant in each one of us. I find that it is soothing to look at something I have made. It is inspiring to look at something someone else has created. It is mysterious to try and figure out how other artists engineered a design.

It's so thick, I had to use ribbons to bind it together!

The simple flow of paint with water amazes me everytime I look at it.  The complexity of a picture painted with simple flows of paint and water astounds me.

And there's the chaos of a single sheet of paper turned into multiple layers of pockets and envelopes stuffed with thoughts and memories....hidden deep away for a moment that many never occur...as I may never need to read them again. Yet I know they are there.

Every pocket is filled with something from the last 8 parts of this

My home is filled with art.  Every inch of wall space is covered with paintings created by mom. How blessed am I to wake up every single day and look at the incredible art she has created.  I have a huge stained glass window designed and created by one of my sisters. A doll made by another sister. Paintings by another sister. And even my brother has designed a candle holder out of an old insulator.

Time to celebrate a job well done!

What more do I need for inspiration? Yet I have binders filled with scrapbook pages, journals I have created, items I have altered, dolls I have made with wonderful costumes fashioned by my own hands.  Hundreds of photos of jewelry I have designed and given to others....in the hopes that it will bring joy into their lives. And therein lies the continuim. Artists who create art and share it with others to help them heal and/or inspire them to create art.

I am so happy to have it finished!

Digging deep into the recesses of the right side of my brain, after years of working solely in the left side, has opened up new paths for me to explore this artistic expression that I never knew existed. My mitzvah has become to give my jewelry to women in Israel who are breast cancer survivors.  And that has become my honor - to design pieces that might bring joy to someone who is in the middle of the healing process.

I like to think that together, art and I have come full circle.  And while art doesn’t heal, it certainly helps during the healing process.   I truly hope that by telling my healing journey, you are in some small way helped, or inspired.  And that you will share your journey with others down the path.

(Part 8, Does Art Heal?)

Most books and online sources dealing with healing, grief, the whole process, end with 5 or 7 steps.  But I think they are leaving out something really huge...scar tissue.  Every wound has it.  Even emotional ones.  It never goes away. It's always there.  It can be good or it can be bad.  

Sometimes, you start small and build.  I flattened this spoon in my Wizard, then added some ribbon, flowers and crystals to it.

Dad had a series of heart attacks back in 1975 when he was 45 years old.  We joke and say it's because he had had 4 teenage daughters.  But at the time, it was quite serious. He went to Seattle and had 5 bypasses done....very early on, among the first in the US.  Over the next 17 years, scar tissue built up in his heart.  He went back into the hospital in Denver to have experimental surgery to try and fix the problem.  They wanted to try to remove the scar tissue that had built up in his heart and then graft healthy heart tissue into it’s place.  At that time, this was truly frontier thinking.  It didn’t work.  Dad died shortly afterwards.  

In the last 18 years, I have built up “scar tissue” in my own healing processes.

I stamped the word "HOPE" into the spoon using metal stamps from Creative Impresions

When Kerry had bypass surgery this past March, I went through the entire process of remembering my father's death all over again.   I worried that the same thing that had happened to dad might happen to Kerry.   I pre-grieved Kerry's surgery.  I wrote down all my thoughts.  I kept a journal.  And it was a good thing because after surgery....I was 100% there for Kerry.   And while our lives have changed and we no longer have our "pre-heart-surgery" life and it won't ever come back, I have been through this process enough.....I have enough scar tissue, that I know what to expect and how to deal with each of my thoughts, fears, emotions and worries.  I also know from past experience, past scars, that I will get through this, sooner or later.

a fairly simple pocket....

The more events in your life that are a loss, the more times you will go through this process, the more scar tissue you will have.  

But there's one more thing to think about!  Do you have a scar somewhere on your body?  If you stick a pinhead in the middle of it, you probably won’t feel a thing.   Scar tissue has no nerve endings.  It feels nothing.  It is completely numb.  But it is a protective covering, a shell, a bridge between what was hurt and what now is.  

and put the tag with the spoon down into the pocket - together, a perfect match!

So the therapists don't tell you about this part of the process for those who go through repeated incidences....and as you age, you certainly will.  If you live long enough, your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles will all die.  Your friends move away, or pass away.  Things happen, it's all  part of life.  And grieving simply becomes part of life.

It's interesting that while writing this....just yesterday, Kerry's 91 year old Grandma Ruby passed away.  It's a huge loss for him.  She was the "good" grandma, the one everyone loved being around. But she had been in a nursing home for about 3 years.  I think the grieving took place 3 years ago when we "lost" the grandma we knew.  But also, there's been so much in our total cumulative lives....this just isn't much.  We can celebrate the life she had immediately.  We can cherish the fact that we knew her "before nursing home" and keep our fond memories of her intact.  

I think that's scar tissue.  Experiencing multiple losses, going through the healing process over and over, that's the bridge between how I would have felt back before all this experience and how I process loss now.  It's simply scarr tissue.

This journal is going to take awhile to finish as each page is going to have a different cut, be inked....

Finally.  Ah! But isn't there always a "finally"?  I was raised with a strong, fundamental,  solid belief in God and in His Son, Jesus.  I was raised with very simplistic thinking - yet extremely complex when you give it some thought.  I was taught to celebrate death because of our belief in a "next life".  And if you are taught to celebrate death, that leads to celebrating any type of loss.   I think these are the fundamentals of it all:

1.  Honor what was

2.  Celebrate what has happened

3.  Trust that God will lead you through this

4.  Believe that what is to come is even better than what was

5.  Put all your faith in your own personal salvation

6.  Never question what happens, know that there is a reason

7.  Be strong, because God has chosen you

8.  Study to show yourself approved to others

9. Never blame anyone for what happened

10.  Turn it all over to God, let go, and move on

I was never taught how to grieve.  I was never told there was a healing process.  We didn't sit around in support groups and discuss what had happened.  We had grounded faith and a strong belief that this was just part of life.  I only learned about the "healing process" after I turned 50.  And I didn't take up art until after that.

and loads of stickles applied to almost every outline....now that's work!

If you have had enough sorrow in your lifetime to fill a boat, and you have processed each event step by step....If you have been through part 7 where you have provided support, taught workshops, given lectures, journaled and scrapbooked it....then when the next event happens....you simply get over it and go on with life...in a very quick, precise method that takes very little time.

I had a cousin once who said that she didn't think I had any emotions.  She never saw me cry or get mad or anything.  I told her I just kept it all inside of me.  But what I didn't realize at that young age was that I didn't keep it all inside of me at all.  I simply said a prayer, turned it all over to God, let go of whatever it was and got on with my life.  

and this is just the START of what the cover page will look like.  Layers upon layers.  It all takes time. Sort o how it is when you go about building scar tissue, huh?

Bottom line:  each one of us is at different stages with different events and we will do this in our own way. There is no right or wrong.  For some of us, creativity, art, music, prayer, any of it can be a part of the process to help us through a phase, to bring us out of a step on to the next step, or to simply sooth and comfort us.  

This year seems to have a craft theme of "art heals" or "creativity heals". And I had to ask the question, does art heal?   My simple answer after all this....art does not heal.  But it can be an important part of the overall healing process.  

I hope you will go back and read Part 1 - 7 if you missed that.  Let me know if you answered the question the same way I did...and why or why not.  It is going to take me a few more days to finalize this journal, but I promise, I will post it here!  You know, if I don't have to think about the healing process, and can just play over in the right side of my brain all day long...I might have it done before you know it!  That's the great thing about being my age and being retired...it's recess all day long!!!

I love my "new" pockets! (Part 7, Does Art Heal?)

Acceptance & Hope.

I don't know when....probably about 1997....I finally accepted the whole situation in my life.  I had "aged" immensely and realized I would never experience what other mom's had....life with healthy kids.  By now I had convinced myself that rather than there being something "wrong" with me, God had decided I was such an amazing woman I could handle TWO sick kids!  (OK, sometimes it's good to lie to yourself!)  I couldn't go back to "before asthma", "before seizures".  I could only move forward.  And that we did. 

And there were many new memories.  Single parent camping with the boy scout troop - you sure get a lot of volunteers from the dads to help you and your son set up your tent!  LOL!!!  But I learned I could do the things I had always thought a "dad" should do for my son.

I set up a network of friends, neighbors and co-workers who knew what to do if my son had an asthma attack.  I remember watching him at a grade school track meet one afternoon.  He was all the way across the field from me and I saw him bend over and grab his chest.  My knee-jerk reaction was to fly out of my seat and bound across the infield.  But I didn't.  I forced myself to sit tight.  And in a split second, the sideline coach was on his walkie-talkie and I saw the nurse running towards my son and in less than 20 seconds, he had an inhaler and was straightening back up.  

That was a specific moment that I remember thinking, "he will be ok....they really can take care of him."  And after that....I didn't worry about his life at school.  I accepted that they were responsible for him.  I had reconstructed that part of my life by training the school staff in how to handle his asthma attacks.  An amazing experience to get to see it in action!

  

They say that you know you have reached this stage when you want to help others go through their grief.  But they don't tell you what happens after that with your own grief!

I invited my friend Susan over for a playday and then asked her if she'd like to make tags for my journal.  Sharing is a normal part of this phase of the healing process.  I love to share when it comes to what I know about art!

And very few therapists tell you that each and every time something comes up to remind you of what happened (each asthma attach my son had), you will start this entire process over at the beginning.   And you will do this over and over and over.  The good thing is that after about 10 times through this process you can start to understand exactly where you are and what you need to do!  You learn that you just need a 24 hour time out for depression, a 3 hour time out for crying….it just gets easier.  

and while Susan's style is different from mine, there are so many times when I like what she does so much more than I like my own work!  And yes, that's our cousin Laura and probably her brother dancing.  Just too cute!

And just when you think it is easier, an event happens that takes your breath away and you think you will never survive.  But you really are just back in step 1 and you will recover!

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a recipe for this?  Instructions that said, “go ½ mile and turn right, go 8 miles and turn left…..”  But life itself isn’t that simple, so why should the healing process be any different?  In this phase I think you might start to see the road map.  You start to plan for the future.  You can begin to think of the event without quite so much pain and sadness.  The gut wrenching pain is gone.  You can look forward to some good times…and even find joy in living again.

Susan made this tagged pocket as well.  I love how she used the word "soul".  You gotta have some soul to get through the healing process!

If you have faith, you will most likely reach this phase quicker than others.  Faith provides people with hope, encouragement, peace, comfort and a purpose to continue with life. 

The first time I went through this process…..I did so without the knowledge that I have today.  I didn’t understand why I was feeling the way I was.  But throughout the entire journey, I never once lost sight of my belief in God, my knowledge that Jesus is my Savior, and my faith that He would get me through this, no matter how far I sank.  I always knew that His hand was there for me to grab hold of and one day, I made that choice. 

But even without that faith, that belief, you can make it through the process…it may just take a bit longer. 

Two of a kind - that's what all of are as we go through this process.

When you can tell a friend about your loss of a stillborn child, or you can share the story of the death of your spouse….when you can help someone else through their grief, when you can be there to comfort them and listen to them…then you are healing. 

And the way we get there is assisted by allowing those who have been through this process before us to share with us their story, their journey.

I made this one while playing with Susan.  I love the photos of my grandma and her siblings.  They didn't have an easy life.  Her dad died, their mom died, the surviving parents remarried and had 6 more kids.  But Grandma never told us that story.  Everyone was her sibling.  No halves, no wholes  She somehow made it all so simple.

I read an article once called “The Death of a Hard Drive”.  Made me laugh.  I’m sure I can’t recall the entire thing, but it went like this:

1.  Shock & denial – “My hard drive crashed!  no!  No! NOOOOOO!!!!

2.  Pain & Guilt – I should have backed up, I SHOULD have backed up, I should have BACKED UP!!!

3.  Anger & Bargaining.  “Oh, just let the computer geeks find something, anything.  I could just shoot myself for not backing up.  If you find anything, I promise I’ll back up every single day!!”

4.  Depression, reflection, loneliness – “I will never get everything back.  I’ve lost 8 years of family photos.  There’s no reason to start over.  Why me?  I’m just going to go to sleep and dream about what it was like when I could look at my photos any time I wanted.”

5.  The upward turn.  “Hmmm…I have to have photos, hard copies, somewhere.  Maybe Aunt Sue has some, she was at Jonie’s wedding…..”

6.  Reconstruction & Working through.  “Aunt Sue had 12 photos that I scanned, cousin Howie had 2 dozen photos I scanned….and after I talked to my entire family, I got back at least 25 % of what I lost!”

7.  Acceptance & Hope.  “The other 75% will never be recovered.  I bought a backup drive and automated a weekly backup.  I also burnt what I recovered to DVDs and put them in a fire proof safe. 

Now, while I did not write the original story, I have lost hard drives and can relate that my experience was much the same!  The humor is that I’ve stupidly done it more than once.  Some people just never learn!!!

Flowers tucked inside a pocket that's on top of a pocket.  leaves tucked under flowers over snowflakes.  The complexity of healing.  The chaos of life.  Chaotic healing.  Art helps get us through it all.

I think today's pocket is one of celebration.  Finally getting through the process.  A time for some real art, some real joy....maybe this is the moment to turn to art to express how you feel.

oh, but wait!  There's no journal!!!   I haven't put it all together yet. Yes, there's still more to the process.  Think about it for a moment.  Next up is scar tissue.  Every wound has it!  What do you do with it?  Stay tuned!

Work, work, work!(Part 6, Does Art Heal?)

Some people say this is part of the "upward turn" phase....but I needed to separate it out.  First, I needed to make the choice to change (part 5).  Next I needed to work through the process of making changes in my life.   I had to redesign who I was.  Now, for some people, that may be easy, but for me....it was WORK!


Work is a 4-letter word and you know what we say about them!

The 3 little munchkins are all working hard to ride their tricycles.  Well, when you are that age...it was work!  With art...sometimes...it CAN be "work" to design the shapes of all these tags and pockets (can you tell where the pocket is on this one?) or to redesign things and restructure them back into something just a little different (like the EK Success embellishment at the very top.)

At some point, you will realize that changes are happening....

You become more functional

Your mind starts working again

You seek realistic solutions to problems

You start to work on practical problems

You establish new relationships/friendships

You reconstruct yourself

And there are things you can do in this phase:

1.    Seek and accept support. From a trusted family member, close friend, church clergy, professional therapist. 

2.    Find role models.  You’re not the first to go through this. 

3.    Read books about your particular loss. 

4.    Find a support group.

5.    Get involved in something. 

6.    Start setting goals.

And this tag is just perfect..."Heal the past, Live the present, Dream the Future"....maybe the overall theme for this series?  But notice the tiny flowers in the center of the snowflakes.  Still the ongoing theme of chaos...which is much like life.

This is another good time to turn to your creative side.  In building a “new” life, perhaps there’s a place for some type of creativity.

Creativity is the ability to imagine or invent something new.  It’s the ability to generate new ideas by combining, changing or reapplying existing ideas.  It’s both an attitude and a process.  

Think about it for a moment.  When you create something,

1.    you are playing with ideas and possibilities, coming up with something new to you. 

2.    Creativity can be a change of direction,

a.    an alternative insight,

                                              i.     a different way of looking at the same old thing. 

b.    You can express emotions (as in a painting or journaling). 

c.    You can express intense emotions in a safe manner (hiding things in pockets where no one will find them). 

d.    It can provide catharsis.

e.    It’s a means to honor the loss, or the one we lost

f.     It can be healing through action

                                              i.     Excellent for anyone who is not verbal

3.    Types of creativity include, but are not limited to:

a.    Drawing/painting

b.    Sculpture

c.    Poetry

d.    Dance

e.    Music

f.     Writing

g.    Scrapbooking/rubber stamping – paper arts

h.    Jewelry making

i.     Anything that expresses the creative side (right side) of the brain

4.    You can use ideas from

a.    Dreams

b.    Fantasies

c.    Active imagination

d.    Something you read or see

5.    How to find your creativity

a.    Classes – check your local craft stores

b.    Online tutorials – most tell you everything you need and what you need to do

c.    Weekend retreats – with complete strangers or with close friends

d.    Week long classes – a good way to get away from life for at least 40 hours

e.    Friends – often more creative than you know.  Just ask them

f.     Magazines – many offer tutorials

g.    Local colleges and universities – check their free university classes

h.    Local recreation centers, senior centers, clubs, groups

                                              i.     Most communities have a newsletter that lists upcoming classes/events

                                            ii.     Check here for needed volunteers – that’s a great way to get involved

And here you can see where the tag goes....the engineering and construction of tags and pockets, measurements that fit together, that don't hide the focal point (the kids) and gives an overall message (Heal the past),  the beauty of how art all works together to calm and sooth...and help heal.

I know a gal who owns a craft business called “It’s Cheaper than Therapy”.  And that could be a very true statement.  Being creative, no matter what the medium, could be cheaper than paying for therapy, and it could be more productive.  

An excellent therapist once told me to limit my sessions to 3 visits.  The first visit is a summary. In the second visit the therapist provides you with a plan, action steps, a "to-do" list.  And the 3rd visit checks on the status of your work.  At the end of 3 visits, there should either be enough progress that you don't need to come back. Or if there's not been progress, then you need to find a new therapist who can provide you with better ideas.

Now I also realized that was for short term needs.  Those minor events where you just need a nudge to get you over the hump in the road.  Many times, a person needs numerous therapy sessions.  But I still think her advice was good.  Set a goal to end therapy....because if the problem hasn't been resolved...it's time to seek a new way to handle it!

If you belong to my Moore family tree and you think you recognize these characters....you are right!  Anyone want to venture a guess?  Actually, they are in the Brandon Clan.  Borrowing my own relatives to create fun art....a great way to put my memories to "work"!

I know women who have turned their creativity into profitable businesses.   They have opened up craft stores, started their own line of products, turned themselves into amazing role models for the rest of us.  How many of them did this as the result of their own healing process?  I'm sure at least a few of them.

But does art heal?  


I also know other women who have sucked into the concept that art heals.  They go out and buy every single new product that comes to the market.  They spend thousands of dollars a year....and they are not getting healthier.  In fact, some are getting worse.  

One of these women has 2 ongoing diseases causing multiple disabilities.  As far as I can tell, she has never grieved the loss of her old, healthy self.  She takes every single class in the art world, buys everything that comes along....yet she is probably 5 times worse, both mentally and physically.  She is truly looking to "art" to heal, it's just not happeneing, and that tosses her right back into a deep depression.  When she makes the upward turn, she turns to art...and eventually falls back into her depression.  I have watched this "do-loop" process in her life for at least 3 years now.  Art is not healing her.  It's really hendering her. 

Those who promote the concept that "art heals" probably aren't really investigating the entire healing process.  "Art Heals" is a terrific marketing ploy.  But if you don't know how to heal the entire body, mental and physical, how on earth can "art" heal you?

Nevertheless - ya gotta love a great gimmick that will get you to go out and buy whatever it is they are promoting - with the thought that it just might help you "heal"!

In today's pockets, tuck a note about your own answer to the question, "Does art heal?"

Change in my pockets? (Part 5, Does Art Heal?)

The upward turn.  Single mom.  Sick kid on my hands.  THREE jobs to make ends meet.  Another sick kid living 3000 miles away.  I had to adjust to this new "life" of mine.  And I went there kicking and screaming every second of the way.  Literally!  But somehow I got there.  I read a lot.  I went to therapy.  I sought out other mom's who had it worse than me.  I joined groups at my son's school to force me to get involved again.  I got a great haircut. Somehow I knew what I had to do.  And I did it.  One step at a time.  I simply knew that I didn't want to stay where I was for an extended period of time.

That was way back before I knew a thing about stress, grief, the healing process...any of it. Did you know that acute stress can cause a disruption in the heart’s rhythms.  Shifting your focus away from the source of stress can undo that.  Feelings of love and appreciation can boost the immune system, regulate hormonal balance and create a sense of wellbeing.  (Time to get that “applause” journal out and read through it!)

For some reason, my life has been surrounded by amazing polymer clay artists.  I have told each one of them that I will NOT add clay as yet another medium to what I play with!!!  Peg Harper made this wonderful holiday ornament topped with clay roses that she painted with Vivid inks.  Sometimes, when you see something and you love it so much....it makes you want to change....and do the one thing you have avoided doing for so long.

As you start to adjust to life after the event, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized.  The heartache does lessen with time.  The depression shifts slightly. 

Things do change.  People can change.  But if you want change, you have to make it happen yourself.  No one else can change you.  If you want to stay depressed…you will.  If you want to move on, you will.  It really is up to you.

Peg....I "can" change!  I "can" work with polymer clay. I "can" make roses!  If you're reading this, I wonder if you've passed out by now???  LOL!!!

I used to tell my son that every single moment of life is a choice.  We chose to go right or left, straight or backwards.  And every choice is a moment in our life.  If we chose to go to church, then that’s an hour or so.  If we chose to go shopping, another hour or so.  If we chose to study scripture, another hour or so.  The bottom choice is that we are the only one who can decide what we do with each moment of our life.  And we are responsible for the choices that we make.  We are held accountable for the choices that we make. 

My variation on Peg's roses was to watercolor paint them with Luminarte paints and then dust them with Luminarte powders.  Oh!  How I love the end results!  You know I just added polymer clay to my ever-growing list of mediums to play with!  (Thanks Peg....NOT!)

As a manager, I tried to get across to my employees that when they were given responsibility for a task, they were held accountable for the outcome of their performance in that task.  It's the same way with the healing process.  I'm outlining the steps here.  The responsibility belongs to each one of us.  And we are the only ones who will be accountable for our own successful healing.

I bought some Makins air dry clay and made some of the tiniest roses (on the right) that my hands would allow. They match the flowers on the left.

In order to make the upward turn, we make a decision to move forward and leave our depression behind us.  

The journal opens up for writing on top of the pocket, as well as sticking something else inside the pocket 

Again, it might take an hour, it might take weeks or even months to do.  There is no right or wrong timeline.  That’s why I think it’s a good idea to give yourself a timeline for grief.  At least there’s a goal, a date to get back to living your life.

 These are tatted flowers. I took a vintage gin game tally card and turned it into a mini journal

One of the most wonderful expressions I heard came after the loss of a spouse.  The widow grieved for just a short time.  She explained that she had had the most wonderful marriage for so many years, why should she grieve her loss?  She decided she should simply celebrate all the great years they had had together.  And I think that's the "upward turn"....when you decide to put the emphasis on all the wonderful memories of your life before the event.

a close-up of the mini roses.  Less than 3/8" in diameter.  Peg...did I make you proud?  LOL!!!

It really is possible to change!  Look at me.  After 5 years of the best in the industry trying to convince me to play with polymer clay...I am!  What types of changes have you made in your life?  What would you write in today's pocket?  Finally, maybe this stage is a great time to look to your creative side - that might just be the change you make. Switching from the left side to the right side of the brain could be the stimulus to help you get to this stage of the healing process.  But still the question....is it "art" that heals?  Or is art just a possible part of the overall process of healing?  If you don't know what the process is....how can art heal?

Stay tuned....I know...you're starting to think this is the never-ending series!  LOL!!!